There's a right way and a wrong way.

My sister-in-law's blog entry on the proper way to make a PB&J sandwich prompted me to reveal to the loyal readers of this blog the proper way to make a cold cut sandwich. I know what you're thinking - "There's a proper way to make a cold cut sandwich?". Yes, there is a right way and a wrong way. I don't know where I learned the right way, but it probably came from my mother, who always made sandwiches to take to lunch that were the envy of everyone at school (they always tried to trade their lame PB&J's for my awesome sandwiches - no way!). The debate of the proper technique of sandwich contruction was a cause of some (very rare) tension in our marriage, but after six years of training, Carla has finally aquiesced to my sensibilities.

It's really very simple. The cardinal rule of proper sandwich construction is that the condiments (usually just mustard for me) NEVER, under any circumstaces, make contact with the cheese. For years, when Carla would make a sandwich for me, she would spread the mustard on the bread, then carelessly slap a slice of cheese on top. Every time she did this, I would (very gently and lovingly) remind her of her error. Ideally, the cheese should be on the bottom bread slice, with the meat above that, and the mustard spread either directly on the meat or on the top slice of bread. If there are two cheese slices involved, which I usually prefer, the mustard must be spread between the meat (for a proper cold cut sandwich, there must be two types of meat. Ideally, the meat should consist of genoa salami and virginia ham. Turkey or roast beef may be substituted for the ham, but the salami is an absolute requirement). I can see how spreading on bread is easier than spreading on meat, but not at the expence of making mustard-to-cheese contact.

So Carla now makes my sandwiches the right way, without having to be reminded. Sadly, she continues to make her sandwiches the wrong way. She just doesn't understand why I have to have it my way, but I don't ask her to understand. I just ask that she humor me and make the sandwich the right way. Then she gives me the sandwich and says, "I made it the wrong way.". And I say "Thank you, dear."